Lived Experience Forum

[Zoe7]

((((( @Adge )))))))

[Shaz51]

@Adge , @Daisydreamer 

With my dad , I thought he was gone when the police came -- but they took me to the hospital where he was semi gone , not sure if he heard me or not , passed away a couple of hours later 

[amandaGL]

Hi @Htoo, anticipatory grief like what you are experiencing - where we experience grief for losses that we anticipate in the future is really tough.  I understand that you are likely to be dreading things lost in the future.  I hope you have support for this. please reach out to us at Griefline as we speak with a number of help-seekers navigating this type of grief.

[Daisydreamer]

Trauma and grief really can compound @Zoe7 and I am so sorry to hear what you went through Have you been able to seek support for the trauma that experience brought up for you?

[Eve7]

Thank you for your kind comments @Daisydreamer They mean a lot.

On my Dad's birthday all the family, mum, kids, grandkids and greatgrids have Chinese takeaway (not together but wherever and has been as faraway as New York) but it's  "never from the one up the bloody hill in a NSW coastal town as Dad didn't bloody well like that one!".

[Daisydreamer]

A few people have already spoken about anniversaires, which feeds into our next question:

Question 6: What are some of your tips for coping with anniversaries?

[Zoe7]

Yes on and off @Daisydreamer but it is still an issue at times - can work through it better now though.

[amandaGL]

Question 6: What are some of your tips for coping with anniversaries?

Anniversaries, Birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s & Father’s Day, Valentine’s day etc can be excruciating because we are bombarded by memories and triggers - in the shops, on tv, social media etc... 

Put a plan in place for getting through the day.  Whether it’s staying under the covers all day, having a picnic at your loved one’s favourite spot, visiting the grave, gathering the extended family to watch home videos. 

And If you’re supporting someone, be respectful if they want to be left alone, but give them the option of you being there.

Starting an annual ritual can be healing - maybe you could climb a mountain; head to the beach and say some words as you send a wreath of flowers out to sea; plant something in the garden… whatever feels right to you.  Marking the anniversary with the same ritual every year keeps the connection strong.

[Owlunar]

I was told I was the strong one when my son died too @Zoe7 - perhaps that was true - my family didn't want to hear about it - there was really very few people around who did - luckily I was blessed with professional people

It would be comforting to know people cared how traumatic everything was - not to just close down

I realise now my mother was totally inadequate when it came to the tougher issues in life - maybe she is still "pitiable" - I am learning to accept her for who she is - it was been a grief that I could never have a sensible conversation with her - it's not easy though - I don't have regrets but I do regret I have never had a decent conversation with her as I matured - that is a source of grief just as your trauma after finding your grandfather is

[Htoo]

Thanks for that