Lived Experience Forum

[Eve7]

I lost weight after h died but I was very much aware that I needed to keep it together for my kids and I would go to bed each night and pray "Please God keep me safe. My kids won't cope if anything happens to me". Then 2 years later I was diagnosed with cancer and all I could think was "how will I tell my mother this?" as my sister had recently died from ca leaving 2 young kids.

I've held it together playing the "great pretender" until the past year.

[Former-Member]

It sounds like you have had a lot going on recently @Shaz51. I'm sorry to hear that its been such a difficult time for you. I hope you're able to take some time for yourself and are able to practice some self care. Take care

[ShiningStar]

Hi @Arizona 

It's so lovely to see you here tonight 

I'm so sorry to hear that you have experienced so much grief and loss in your life and my heart goes out to you

Absolutely  Conversations pertaining to grief and loss can be incredibly challenging and painful and it makes so much sense that this may be a little too overwhelming for you at this time in your life 

Although we’ll miss your online presence, I’m so pleased that you’ve prioritised your health and wellbeing and that you’re taking care of yourself tonight 

Sending you some very gentle hugs 

Take care of yourself,

ShiningStar 

[Owlunar]

Thanks @amandaGL 

In learning to live around grief I have thought often and considered now that my son gave me a great gift when he died. I have learned so much - his life was a disaster for him - nothing worked out for him - he was so unhappy - 

But I loved him and didn't abandon him - I have learned that really staying with a lost person strengthen me to accept his death - it took decades but I really believe his life and death were the most important issues in my life and even after all the pain I wouldn't change it

[Daisydreamer]

Question 4 for @amandaGL and community: What are some of the ways to cope with grief?

[amandaGL]

Question 4 for @amandaGL and community: What are some of the ways to cope with grief?Be gentle with yourself.  Put yourself into ‘emotional intensive care’… reach out to your support network and take any credible resource that’s on offer (like Griefline).  Lean on others as much as you can.  You don’t have to go through this alone. 

From a personal perspective try to look after yourself by eating well, getting a good amount of sleep, exercising avoiding maladaptive behaviours (drinking, drugs etc).  You need to be as strong in mind and body as you can be to withstand this.

Some go-to coping strategies are;

• Journaling – keep a track of your grief every day, what triggers it, what eases it. Helps to understand your unique grief response and adapt your life accordingly. 
• Continuing bonds can be really therapeutic – your loved one may have died but the bond doesn’t have to. Create a ‘shrine’ in your home with photos/mementoes etc, or wear a piece of their jewellery/favourite sweater – one lady even put her lenses into her husband’s reading glasses so he was always with her.  
• Writing letters to your loved one, even responding in the way you think they would have can help to give you guidance.  
• Creating legacies – planting a garden, starting a fundraiser, lobbying to change a law so that their death wasn’t in vain.
• Mindfulness – we have a Smiling Minds recording on our website.  Helps quiet the mind and re-centre us when it all gets too overwhelming

[ShiningStar]

Hi @amandaGL 

Thank you so much 

Take care,

ShiningStar 

[Owlunar]

Finding your grandfather would have been traumatic @Zoe7 

No wonder grief is so painful for you - how old were you when you found your grandfathe - I seem to remember that you were very young

[Zoe7]

@amandaGL The time directly after I lost Cat here only a month ago I relied very heavily on my friends on the forum - they helped no end. I also threw myself into creating a space for her in the garden - that is still a work in process but will be a special place for us both.

[Former-Member]

@Poppyfriend543 We are so glad that you're finding this topic informative and helpful to be a part of. Just so you know, this discussion will remain up on the forum when it has ended so you're able to come back and view the questions and responses you may miss by leaving early. Remember to take care of yourself during this time, this topic can be very heavy