Lived Experience Forum

[Daisydreamer]

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@amandaGL wrote:

Be gentle with yourself.  Put yourself into ‘emotional intensive care’… reach out to your support network and take any credible resource that’s on offer (like Griefline).  Lean on others as much as you can.  You don’t have to go through this alone. 

From a personal perspective try to look after yourself by eating well, getting a good amount of sleep, exercising avoiding maladaptive behaviours (drinking, drugs etc).  You need to be as strong in mind and body as you can be to withstand this.

Some go-to coping strategies are;

• Journaling – keep a track of your grief every day, what triggers it, what eases it. Helps to understand your unique grief response and adapt your life accordingly. 
• Continuing bonds can be really therapeutic – your loved one may have died but the bond doesn’t have to. Create a ‘shrine’ in your home with photos/mementoes etc, or wear a piece of their jewellery/favourite sweater – one lady even put her lenses into her husband’s reading glasses so he was always with her.  
• Writing letters to your loved one, even responding in the way you think they would have can help to give you guidance.  
• Creating legacies – planting a garden, starting a fundraiser, lobbying to change a law so that their death wasn’t in vain.
• Mindfulness – we have a Smiling Minds recording on our website.  Helps quiet the mind and re-centre us when it all gets too overwhelming

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I really love this list of coping strategies @amandaGL, especially around continuing bonds!

Coping for me includes:

• Talking about my loved ones with others who knew them and hearing the stories 
• Taking "me time" - sometimes that's away from others where I can be with my feelings 
• Sleep hygiene 
• Keeping up my exercise 
• Photos and memories
• Creating a ritual for anniversaries

[Former-Member]

Yes, I completely agree @Zoe7, it's so important to allow yourself to feel your grief, thats a fantastic point

[Owlunar]

That's wonderful @Zoe7 

I was the last person in our family to see and speak to my grandfather too - I look my baby to the hospital where he died that night - I have this wonderful memory of him trying to hold his first great-grandchild - it was a battle because the baby was wriggly - but the old man's face was a picture - of course the nurses and I were helping him with the baby

[Adge]

Thanks @Daisydreamer 

Thanks @Owlunar 

I have Amazing Memory Recall Sometimes - I can remember Exactly what someone said, over 30 years ago (& who said it).

Unfortunately, Visual Memories of the things I value the Most - Are not easily Voluntarily Recalled.

Adge

[Zoe7]

Such a wonderful memory for you @Owlunar despite the loss that same night - silver linings in everything if we look hard enough hey 

[Eve7]

I couldn't journal after h died as Iall I could do was cry whenever I wrote anything. Same with his funeral, I spoke without notes as all I got was soggy paper when I tried to write anything so I got up took a deep breath and spoke about the person I knew so well.

Whenever I go on holiday, whether it's been in Oz or OS I wear the pearls h gave me for our 30th wedding anniversary then I know he is with me keeping me safe.

Every year on his birthday we have fish n chips at the beach and I put a single lily in the ocean. We used to let the grids let balloons go but that's not good for the wildlife so h no longer has a balloon sent to Heaven.

[amandaGL]

Another coping strategy for the bereaved is to 'Send Love to Your Loved One'. This is a David Kessler strategy (grief and loss guru).  When he was in the depths of his grief after the loss of his son, he would shift his mind from negative thoughts to sending love to his son.  Saying "I'm sending you love.  I'm surrounding you with love".  It would help him to keep the connection with him and continue to actively love him.

[Daisydreamer]

Hi @Htoo,
Just wanted to clarify that by ABI you mean acquired brain injury?

You are welcome to use the search button on the forums to find others who have posted about this topic 🙂 

[Adge]

I was the last person (family member) who my Dad ever Spoke to too @Zoe7 I could barely understand anything he said.

By the time my Siblings visited Dad the next day, he was unconscious - He died that night.

Adge

[Shaz51]

Thank you @Owlunar  and yes very true, lots of uncertainty at the moment 

Also I found one of our customers we worked for on the floor