Lived Experience Forum

[sagilove95]

Hi everyone- I hope your week has been breezy. I’m a new peer support worker with SANE and I don’t know if you can tell by now that introductions are not one of my strengths. I can’t wait to connect with you all and  bond over the fact that life sucks sometimes, and that’s okay. We’re not in the same boat but can definitely celebrate the small wins together and support each other whilst we wait for the storm to pass.

During my designated Instagram scrolling schedule yesterday, I felt like a ‘bad person’. My feed was inundated with videos and stories of the new international travel restrictions that have been lifted for Australians citizens and permanent residents. Videos of families being reunited brought up feelings of jealousy, grief and sadness for me. As much as I wanted to feel happy for others, I just ended up ugly crying to my friends, partner and family; I kept repeating- This is not fair.

As a visa holder, there is still a lot of uncertainty regarding when I can travel back to my home country. It’s been 2 years since I hugged my dear ones and it would be an understatement to say that nothing can fill that void.Whilst some days I am content and can fall back on gratitude and prayers, the Diwali season can be brutal. The month of November takes me back to a nostalgic trip- the smell of fresh flowers, rangolis, indian sweets, diyas, candles, festival lights, delicious food, hugs, love and laughter. Over the years, I have been fortunate to find my ‘little chosen family’ in Australia who have been nothing but supportive and provided me with a warm and safe space. I have realised that just like grief, homesickness comes in waves. I believe its one of those months where the waves are overpowering (hello Bondi Rescue!).

These couple of years have also been a process of realizing that feelings of grief, gratitude and happiness can exist at the same time. I can miss my dear ones and life back home and also feel proud of myself for building a life for myself from scratch in Australia. I can feel happy for people who can travel overseas and also feel anger and jealousy. I can bank on my self-care tool box and support systems when I need extra TLC and explore new possibilities of creating new rituals with my chosen family here.Until then, this too shall pass. FaceTime and WhatsApp group chats will suffice.

For those who can resonate, what are some strategies that help you cope with homesickness during the holiday season? Would love to hear 🙂 

[SJT63]

the holiday season can be very difficult for a lot of people. Some of us are separated by distance, some by time - things are not the same as they used to be - Christmas used to be a big family affair for me but now all the kids are grown and gone and the siblings all get together with their own kids and grandkids. My daughter lives in the UK so I don't see her.

Four years ago my husband died. I haven't put up a Christmas tree since my daughter moved in 2013.

Now I drive my current partner down (3 hour trip) to see his elderley mother and come home again at the end of the day. My partner gets increasingly agitated as we approach Christmas, mourning for the loss of a wife that left him 15 years ago and broke up the family. His boys (16 and 18) alternate between spending the day with us or their mum. It's her turn this year.

A lot of people feel more alone at this time of year than any other. 

I hope you take the opportunity to introduce your Chosen Australian Family to some of the beautiful Indian cultural traditions you grew up with as I have always found Indian culture to be very joyous and uplifting.

take care x

[MDT]

@sagilove95
Thanks for sharing your experiences and story. I do hope you are finding it okay now

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @sagilove95 ,

Welcome to the team 🙂

I never really thought I'd feel 'homesick'. I was so used to travelling back and forth to see my family that I think i under-appreciated it to the point where it became a chore to travel and see them.

Today, after having not seen my family for 2.5-3 years due to COVID, I feel like i've missed out on so much. I miss my sister's family, especially the kids growing up, and I miss eating homecooked food cooked by my parents (dad mainly).

Now I may sound as though 'home' is in whoop whoop... but no... it's only the next state, Sydney LOL. Whatever it is, I have to say I appreciate family and connections so much more since lockdown/s!

How do I manage? I just do. Life goes on until the day you see them again.

BPDSurvivor

[BPDSurvivor]

Hi @sagilove95 ,

I thought I'd also mention the thread DIVERSITY and INCLUSION - Join us here! so that you can share some of your experiences as an immigrant.

No pressure 🙂

[SmilingGecko]

Hello @sagilove95 

Thank you for introducing yourself and welcome to SANE. I hope you enjoy your tenure here.  I find this time of year difficult since many of the people I knew have since died. So I feel alone around the "silly season" while people are celebrating.  I just try to make an effort to remember myself by putting on my own festivities.  Yes its hard.  I don't know how to comfort you.  There are usually Diwali celebrations at ashrams and around town. There are places you can go to get Diwali treats and food.  Diwali is usually auspicious for starting new ventures and all things begun at Diwali have good fortune attached to it.  I think Diwali is tomorrow on the 4th here in Australia.  Maybe think of doing something totally out of the ordinary that you always wanted to do and Diwali will carry that energy into the new year  xxoo

[Paperdaisy]

Sending you love and light @sagilove95💝💫

[BPDSurvivor]

@sagilove95 ,

I know we can't replace your family, but HAPPY DIWALI!

BPDSurvivor