Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Shaz51]

Will do @Karen17 , thank you  

[TideisTurning]

Our next question for @Karen17: How can we care for the carers in our lives?  

[Karen17]

How can we care for the carers in our lives?

It's so hard when family and friends don't understand the role and don't understand what we need and we're left feeling isolated and hopeless.  Even though they might not understand there are some tips here that you might be able to share with them. 

For those of you who aren’t carers or are looking to give others some tips on how to support the carers they know, here are some great tips from Mary.

AVOID THIS TO: BE A REAL FRIEND TO A FAMILY CARER

Trying to fix the situation.

Supporting your caring friends does not mean that you are responsible for solving their problems. These issues are out of your hands and may actually not be solvable. Be aware that when you try and change situations, you might actually complicate them.

Offering unsolicited advice or criticism.

Don’t think that you add value to a carer by being critical or saying that you have a better way of doing things. Keep your comments to yourself about how they are managing care. You are not their boss or even their peer. A “know-it-all” attitude might well be met with resistance and even drive a wedge between you and the carer. Instead, praise the carer for something that you genuinely think they are doing well.

Adding guilt.

Carers live with mountains of guilt. Don’t make it worse by piling on more. Nagging a carer is not only unproductive but highly unsupportive.

Saying unhelpful things.

“You have gained a little weight and what’s with those bags under your eyes?” “What do you do all day?
You should get out more and take better care of yourself.” Say kind and comforting sentences. “Thank you for doing all you do.” “I’m coming over on Thursday afternoon to watch your mother while you have a nap.” “I can’t image how hard it is for you to watch your dad in so much pain.” “I wish I were there to give you a big hug.”

Being a stranger.

Don’t think that you are bothering a carer by phoning or dropping in. Such social interactions are absolutely critical to their well-being. If you call at an inconvenient time and are asked to phone back later, don’t take it personally.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EoDeWqJOtRY 

[Karen17]

Being a carer can be a role that is unexpectedly taken on. How can carers adjust and integrate their caring identity into part of who they are?  
@Karen17 

Getting your head around the role, coming to terms with the changed and changing relationship with the person receiving your care and retaining a sense of self alongside the caring role are some common emotional challenges to being a carer.    When this happens suddenly, it can feel even worse.

A couple of tips to fast-track help in these areas are:

• Seek professional help from organisations supporting the person you care for.  Ask them to explain about the illness, disability or condition – why does it happen? How does it affect them? What treatment and care is best? What “informal” support role is needed by you?  What role and rights do you have with this service?  What support is available for you and other family members or friends to help you navigate service pathways for them.
• Seek professional help for yourself to help you understand your feelings and with work out some strategies to help you cope.   Counselling is available through the Carer Gateway and some Support for Carers programs.
• Join a support group or an on-line forum for carers (check out Carers Victoria and Tandem websites).
• Do some education sessions or reading to get tips to help with your caring role.

[Karen17]

WHERE TO FIND CARER EDUCATION: Your state Carer Association will help you find education sessions you can attend and the Carer Gateway has a lot of on-line modules and resources you can use.

[amber22]

For an extra resource, here is a Peer Group Chat that we had a few weeks ago about 'Caring for Yourself While Caring For Someone Else.' Have a read through the transcript for some extra information or experiences from our Peer Support Workers and members if you would like:

https://www.sane.org/images/peer-support/chat-transcripts/Caring-for-Yourself-While-Caring-For-Someo...

[TideisTurning]

@Shaz51 I'm so sorry you've had that painful experience of losing friends who don't understand or give up. You don't deserve that. I hope there are also supportive others, or you will find these supportive, understanding and patient people very soon. 💚

[Shaz51]

Wonderful @Karen17 , @TideisTurning , @amber22 

That is the biggest reason why I started a thread here called Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope ) to help other carers here 

[amber22]

That's amazing! I'll check it out @Shaz51 

[TideisTurning]

Our last question for @Karen17 now: Because caring for yourself is important too, especially when you're caring for others; what ways can carers take care of themselves while caring for someone else?