I'm not organiser either @TAB, in fact I recently saw a portrait of Beethoven, and one of Modest Mussorgsky at a music workshop that I absolutely love. In the portrait of Beethoven, he's sitting at his table, triumphantly holding up a sheet of music he's finished writing, and there's paper and books and bits of food scraps all over the floor and table everywhere, and I started laughing. Our lecturer said "ok Abner, what's funny?" ro which I replied "You know what I love about this portrait? There's mess everywhere.! He's saying "My life is is totally chaos, I've no control over anything! But I've got my music! I've got my music!"". And I said that in the portrait of Mussorgsky, he looks like he's just gotten out of bed. I love seeing people like me on screen.
They were both people who were traumatised. My life is chaos and it's nice to know no one else does any better.
Do you know the man who discovered penicillin, Professor Alexander Fleming was also a grrotty, messy person? There's a book called"In Praise of Mess" it's about historical figures who were messy and even squalid, reading it made me feel better about my squalor and mess problem and my disorganised life. It also helped me understand that if you think you're not dealing with trauma well, the fact is nobody deals with trauma well.
The appearance of being in control is a facade we put on to not show vulnerability. And that too is a valuable strength, but as with everything else we don't all share that strength, and those of us who don't have that strength have other strengths.
