Lived Experience Forum

[-abbey-]

@Thyme (not sure if this is how to tag you)

I don't know. I recognise I'm carrying a lot of hurt and sadness so that's probably part of why I don't have people lining up to be my friend. On top of I don't know how to mix any more and I don't know what to say or be. 

[ANON12]

Hi @-abbey- @Ruisseau @tyme 

My first official post I think - not actually sure how to commence one myself.

My 'search' was BPD and single life...so I guess YES I am resonating with that lost soul feeling. I get real panicky that I'll be alone on the MH battle quite soon and that I've exhausted all the supports - family - friends etc. I seem to take a few steps forward but try to do too much at once - then land back in a bigger hole. 

I'm 42 now and upon reflection I guess I've been fleeing from my own brain for several decades. 

Anyone else feel like they will never find someone who understands/won't run when I push away - friends even. 

[PinkFlamingo]

Hey there @-abbey-  @ANON12  @tyme  @Appleblossom  @Ruisseau 🌺

Thank you for sharing your stories 💜

Im another one of the lost I guess; never fitting in, never being a the centre of my own life, and always feeling like I'm on the other side of a big wall of glass, seeing life but not doing life.

I never really had friends, only people who could use my help when they needed it - it wasn't a two-way street. 

My family is pretty much not in contact which is a mechanism of damage-control (we didn't have a nice start to life after being brought to Au as toddlers and then dispersed amongst defunct systems and other non-supportive places over the decades, never fitting in often because we were 'foreign').

On occasion I still feel that silent, awkward shame of being who I am, the way I am, and being acutely aware of how other people might view me in a negative light. But, after lots of years, and lots of hardship, I am a bit proud to say, I resist that judgement and reinforce how cool it is to be different, telling myself that I like the way I am, and I have been able to do lots of things beyond what I thought was ever possible - which isn't always what you'd expect, but things like giving back; something that people who know hardship really do very very well 💕

I think that there is also the contribution of the way society runs/is, that has a part to play in how isolated a person feels, too.. its not just 'all us' in terms of the dynamic that occurs which leads to feeling lost. 

💜

[Ruisseau]

Hi. Anon12, It's pretty hard to change course and change a lifetime of habits but 42 is still young enough to do so. Still young enough to think about the things you really always wanted out of life and make them real. At 55 I kind of feel I'm too far gone but not the type to give up. I truely wish you all the best. Maybe sometimes it just involves taking a calculated risk to realise you can achieve these things after all.

[tyme]

Hey @Ruisseau @ANON12 @-abbey- ,

What's happening for you all tonight? I'm reading through all the posts and all I want to say is that you're never too old to give new things a go 🙂

[Appleblossom]

@tyme glad UR here.

@-abbey- yes we would think some one would see our good points… and appreciate them.

Good to meet you all

@Ruisseau 

@ANON12 

@PinkFlamingo thanks for tag. 

being different can go both ways .. yes it can be something to be proud of.

I have had parents of students ask me where I am from, because my manner was not quite Australian… whatever that means. 

Where you ‘in care’ too? Or just not fitting into general community.

I worked so hard to fit in… I made myself almost invisible….lost a sense of who I actually am. Going through a lot of changes… standing up and being less people pleasey.  Sigh apple tablet please don’t correct my misspelling…. I do it for a reason. Device. Behave!

[tyme]

You know what @Appleblossom ? I realised many moons ago that I was 'odd' and 'different'. People teased me and I was left out of things by my cousins etc.

By high school, I stopped caring, and by my late teens, I loved and celebrated the fact that I was 'different'. Meh!? Who cares! Just go and live life to the fullest 🙂 I let people join me if they wanted, and if they didn't want to, I wasn't staying back to wait for them! 

[Appleblossom]

@tyme @at least we both got to live a full life.

Blessed for all that.

[tyme]

Totes agree @Appleblossom ! 

Woohoo! Let's GO!!!!!

[Appleblossom]

Made me smile @tyme @lol even in my current downer

Thx

cooooeeeee

apple