Doing Better...

[Former-Member]

Hi everyone,

I apologise for my last personal post (21-9-22) 

I can't find it to rescind, it was likely removed. It's OK it wasn't offensive but it was defeated. 

I'm sorry last night Was terriblely brutal for me. I let my depression and sucidal side get the better of me.

Managed to get through the night bearely....however I now have a renewed drive to fight harder. For my partner, for us, but for myself too. 

I ain't magically fixed but I'm doing better. 

Sorry to all, I didn't mean to distress anyone. 

I hope you all can forgive me.

[tyme]

Hi @Former-Member ,

Thank you for your post. I'm glad to hear things are better today. You have been very courageous, and I hear and know first-hand that sometimes, things just feel too much.

Due to the nature of the post yesterday, it was flagged and removed by our system to ensure the forums remain a safe space for others to post. 

If you have any questions about it, please feel free to email us at team@saneforums.org

It is great to read your posts around the forums tonight.

Kindest, tyme

[Former-Member]

@tyme

I don't mind, I figured enough once I got my head on straight. Thank you, I was going to delete it anyway. My apologies for involving the forum in my distress. It wasn't fair.

[tyme]

All good @Former-Member . I guess you have reminded us that we are human, and humans do have ups and downs. As much as we try to put on a brave front, our MH stressors sometimes get the better of us.

For some, they like to get on the forums when things are tough so that they get some peer support and are then able to get out of the darkness. 

However, for others, when things are tough, they find it more helpful to step aside from the forums to give themselves some offline time.

It's about doing what is most helpful for you @Former-Member . We are happy to support you.

I am happy to hear things are better tonight.

[tyme]

Good Evening @Former-Member ,

How are you? Hope things have been better 🙂

[Former-Member]

@tyme

I'm still here, but it's a rough night, questions about everything running around my head. I am now taking antidepressants but they'll take about three weeks to take effect. I feel cowardly and oh so sad 😔 I feel responsible for my partner breaking up with me even though I didn't do anything. I'm having to tell myself he isn't coming back but it only makes me ill to do so. No one understands and together or not my worry for him won't stop. I'm really blue tonight.

I hope your evening is going better.

[tyme]

I'm sitting with you tonight @Former-Member . I hear it is tough tonight.

Please know you are not alone. I'm here with you.

[Former-Member]

@tyme

Thanks.

Any clue how to ride out a broken heart, whilst waiting for medicine for depression to kick in, in a house so loud with silence you wanna scream?

Any tips on how to withstand worry of a loved one with schizophrenia presently on his own in a volatile environment? I don't even know of he is ok...

Any clue if I'm going to get through this? I've suffered a LOT of trauma in my short life I don't think I can withstand losing him too, you know? My damage bucket is full!

[tyme]

Hugs @Former-Member ,

You have an incredible understanding of love and hope - that's what will get you through. 

Many times, for those who are not well, it is not them speaking, but their illness.

I hear you loud and clear. What you are feeling aligns very much with the cycle of grief. Any loss, any grief can trigger the responses you are currently feeling. 

Kindness to yourself, support for yourself is something that will support you to rise above this. 

I'm here, listening, taking it all in, and I have great hope that you will come out of this victorious.  

For now, just take moment by moment. As you've said, you have many questions - yet will thinking more about these questions answer them tonight? 

I'm sitting with you to help you get through tonight. You don't need to feel alone in this.

[Former-Member]

@tyme 

😢 thank you. That's sweet. A comfort.

You're right re-asking won't answer them. That's why I think my mind is telling me it's over. So when it's proven the case it might not hurt so much. 

You see I am in this equation too and my insecurities and illness have a say too.

Mine tell me he can't love me anymore because he never did. No one has. So no one will. Isn't that logic? 

I don't know, I understand I have to accept in order to heal but how can I accept something I know is my biggest trigger?

Everyone just acts like he was a fling. A crush.

Not that he is everything to me.

I've never been here before how do you let go your only reason to hold on? 

How can I walk closer to the edge of my own illness and manage to not fall over the cliff? Rumour also has it that the medication i just started yesterday can make me feel worse at first isn't that a HUGE risk for someone like me? I'm as close as I can get how much further do I have to endure? 

After all what is life without love? I've done my time 33yrs of utterly no one romantic or otherwise how do I go back to being nothing after finding out just how fantastic it feels to matter? 

How do I stop the questions going round?